Don't let your love become a distant care 不要让你的爱,变成遥远的牵挂

1st December 2015  /  life upon life, highlight

My aged grandpa is no longer flexible and he talks less since last serious illness. Tall as he was, he now has shrunk into a stoop old man, which is of utter difference to what he used to be like that you can hardly imagine. It seems that grandpa has aged overnight after returning from the hospital. It's probably because I need to go to school that I don't have much time to visit him, and usually I only stay with him for half a day every time I come to see him. Then I leave for home after a hurried meal. 

I can hardly remember the last time I went to visit him, but what impressed me most was my grandpa’s eyes when I was leaving. He has one blind eye though, I could still see the tears in his eyes shining and his lifted mouth from the rear view mirror of the car. He was happy, despite the fact that it was only a short-time reunion. And I could clearly see the loss as well as anticipation through his weathered eyes. 

I know that my grandpa will always remember what I like the most and leave the best for me. And I know it that my grandpa will look through the pictures of mine again and again when I'm not there. So many times I have forced myself not to look back and not even to think about it, but it is a truth that my grandpa won't stay with me forever and he will finally be taken away by time, detaching from my life and existing there in my memories. Sometimes I even weep over it and wet the pillow. Even by now I wish I could fly back to him and stay with him longer as he is still there and I still have chances to do so. 

It is too late to regret when losing it. I hope the love in your heart would never become a distant care. 

Qi Zhang

爷爷上了年纪,腿脚也不似从前般灵活,生了场大病后更是少言寡语,从前高大的身影如今就这样缩成了一个佝偻老人,让人全然不敢想从前他的模样。好像从医院回来之后一夜苍老。或许是因为上学的缘故吧,很久才见得到他一次,一去便是匆匆的一顿饭,停留半天然后走掉。总是这样。上一次去看他是什么时候早已经不记得了,但印象最深的还是临走时他的双眼,爷爷的眼睛有一只失明了,上车的时候从倒车镜里还是会看见他扬起的嘴角,以及眼里噙着的泪水,他很开心,即便只是草草一聚,那双饱经风霜的眼睛里我看到了他的不舍,期望,太多太多……我知道,他还是会记得我最爱吃什么,买次总会把最好的留给我,会把我的照片看上一遍又一遍,我总是强迫自己不去回头看,不去想,可是我知道他陪不了我多久的,时间会把他带走,从我的生命中抽离,然后残存在记忆里。有时候想着,会哭出来,枕头湿了一大半。即便是现在,我都想飞到他身边,多陪陪他。趁他还健在,趁我还有机会,不要等到失去再后悔。希望你们口中的爱,不要变成遥远的牵挂。

张琪